I am naturally untidy and always have a pile of knitting projects, notebooks, novels, magazines and various other bits of stuff in piles around whichever chair I am sitting in, but I absolutely hate mess! I am a compete contradiction, I crave being organised but in my attempts to be so I end up creating so much chaos, I don't know why.
Prior to writing this I read back my last post and all I have to say to that is hahaha! We are now in November and I am finally almost there with my craftroom. That means I now need to go back and find homes for all the stuff that is now in a pile of bags in each room having been removed from the craftroom. I am aiming to be done with the rehoming, have the very last box unpacked and out the coloured film on my front door and glass surrounds.
The coloured film and the last box have been left untouched as I want to be completely done before I tackle them. I have hardly had the cameo on since the last post so no money is being made, unfortunately. In my defence I had a really rotten summer including 2 cellulitis infections, a 10 day stomach bug and I topped it all off by writing my car off! As well as all of that I have had several long periods of quite severe depression. It seems to sneak up out of nowhere and suddenly I can barely get myself dressed, let alone out of the house. There is no obvious trigger and no pattern that I can see, I suppose this is just something else that is going to be part of this stage in my life.
I tried going to a psychic medium show and the first time I felt that she was going to speak to me but I wasn't ready to hear anything and I think the look of terror on my face was enough to pout her off. The 2nd time I was simply unlucky enough to be sitting at a table with a mum and 3 daughters whose need for comfort was far greater than mine. I have decided not to go back for a while and see how I go. It isn't terribly expensive, unless you want a 1-1 which is £100 for 30 minutes, which I simply can't justify.
My friends have been brilliant and my children and grandchildren have all been amazing. Luckily for us Mark's partner is part of our family so we have no worries about seeing his boys and talking to them about their dad. His daughter I see every week as she comes to do her homework and have a catch up. It's hard to believe she is now in 6th year and is hurtling towards 18 but she is such a fantastic young lady in so many ways.
For now, I am going to try and post at least monthly, just to get me back into the habit of it. Hopefully there will be some crafty makes to share as well but I'm not putting any pressure on myself regarding that. If I can I will. It will be nice to find out what I have and don't have again, perhaps I will find I have stuff I won't use and can sell it off to make a few pennies towards something new that's caught my eye.
Sunday, 5 November 2017
Tuesday, 11 April 2017
Here's to new beginnings
When I was younger I often heard people older than me complain about time going faster the older you got and I thought I knew all about that. I was in my 20's and knew time moved so much faster than it had when I was a child. Looking back now I realise that even in my 20's I was still very much a child by today's standards. Now here I am in the back half of my 50's and I'm hanging on for grim death time is going by so fast.
I remember the shock and horror I felt when Mark came home to tell me that his girlfriend was pregnant. I was 39 and felt way, way too young to be a grandmother! So much so that Dawn was at least 6 months pregnant before I told any of my friends, I just couldn't adjust to it. Now that young lady is hurtling towards 17 and is so confident and together and everything I wasn't till I was at least 30, she is amazing. She works so hard at her studies despite being diagnosed, finally, at 15 as dyslexic, after years of fighting with different schools to have her assessed. Now here we are into the 2nd year after her dad died and she is doing brilliantly and is very, very like him in so many ways.
I have managed to pull myself out of the big black hole that I spent most of last year in. My kids aren't there yet, but they are both doing better than they were. Mark's partner isn't as it seems to have finally hit her, which is no small wonder, though her GP isn't really being very helpful.
19 months after moving in and I almost have this house sorted. I am back rearranging the things I put away first as I had no memory of what was where and could hardly find things. My kitchen just needs a few wee tweaks such as the making and putting up of a pin board and a final sort and tidy and it will be done. The lounge is much the same, only a few tweaks needed. Even my craft room is almost a workable space, and that has been the biggest hurdle. I'm hoping to be making scrapbook pages and cards at some point soon.
My main way forward is going to be with my cameo cutting machine. I want to begin to make some things to sell, just to have a little bit of give in my budget. I have been pinning things and rooting around shops for a while now but it's almost time for me to sit down and really learn how to use my machine to it's best and then see where things take me.
Over the past 4 years my life has changed so, so much and in so many ways. I have realised that the best time to do something is now, I cannot keep putting things off because time may just run out completely before I get to the end of what I want to do. So, here's to new beginnings.
I remember the shock and horror I felt when Mark came home to tell me that his girlfriend was pregnant. I was 39 and felt way, way too young to be a grandmother! So much so that Dawn was at least 6 months pregnant before I told any of my friends, I just couldn't adjust to it. Now that young lady is hurtling towards 17 and is so confident and together and everything I wasn't till I was at least 30, she is amazing. She works so hard at her studies despite being diagnosed, finally, at 15 as dyslexic, after years of fighting with different schools to have her assessed. Now here we are into the 2nd year after her dad died and she is doing brilliantly and is very, very like him in so many ways.
I have managed to pull myself out of the big black hole that I spent most of last year in. My kids aren't there yet, but they are both doing better than they were. Mark's partner isn't as it seems to have finally hit her, which is no small wonder, though her GP isn't really being very helpful.
19 months after moving in and I almost have this house sorted. I am back rearranging the things I put away first as I had no memory of what was where and could hardly find things. My kitchen just needs a few wee tweaks such as the making and putting up of a pin board and a final sort and tidy and it will be done. The lounge is much the same, only a few tweaks needed. Even my craft room is almost a workable space, and that has been the biggest hurdle. I'm hoping to be making scrapbook pages and cards at some point soon.
My main way forward is going to be with my cameo cutting machine. I want to begin to make some things to sell, just to have a little bit of give in my budget. I have been pinning things and rooting around shops for a while now but it's almost time for me to sit down and really learn how to use my machine to it's best and then see where things take me.
Over the past 4 years my life has changed so, so much and in so many ways. I have realised that the best time to do something is now, I cannot keep putting things off because time may just run out completely before I get to the end of what I want to do. So, here's to new beginnings.
Sunday, 8 January 2017
Happy New Year?
I have never been a huge fan of new year celebrations. The only time I ever got tickets for the Edinburgh celebrations was the first time they ever cancelled it due to high winds and when the bells rang in the new year I was sitting on the A71 heading home in a traffic jam of folk who had just left Edinburgh.
The one thing I do stick by every hogmanay is that my house is cleaned from top to bottom, I have money in my purse, food in my kitchen and fuel in my car. Start the year the way you mean to go one is something that has stuck with me and been drummed into my own kids. The food and money thing is to ensure your pocket is never empty and you always have food. I break tradition by not opening my window and door to let the old year out and the new year in but I figured that's ok.
What worries me about the new year is the firsts. Somehow we got through the first Christmas and new year, by supporting each other and trying to do what we could to make everything happy for the kids. Its the first anniversary next month which I'm dreading. We have decided amongst ourselves on a low key tribute to Mark involving the kids followed by a snack at my house. We also decided that an online tribute to mark would be good and would be something that others could post on and would be there for his children in the years to come. That is still a work in progress but will be released or unveiled or something like that, on the anniversary of Mark's death. He didn't have an online presence, despite spending as much time as life allowed playing video games esp champ manager. He detested Facebook or shitebook as he called it but I felt somewhere that others can contribute to would be nice as it would also show a different side to him.
Apart from that we are all muddling through, sometimes it is so painful that it overrides everything else, other times it doesn't feel real at all and there are times when he isn't at the forefront of my mind, but that isn't too often. Mark was a flawed person with a lot of significant mental health issues but he was also the sweetest, kindest and most helpful person there was and he was my son.
The one thing I do stick by every hogmanay is that my house is cleaned from top to bottom, I have money in my purse, food in my kitchen and fuel in my car. Start the year the way you mean to go one is something that has stuck with me and been drummed into my own kids. The food and money thing is to ensure your pocket is never empty and you always have food. I break tradition by not opening my window and door to let the old year out and the new year in but I figured that's ok.
What worries me about the new year is the firsts. Somehow we got through the first Christmas and new year, by supporting each other and trying to do what we could to make everything happy for the kids. Its the first anniversary next month which I'm dreading. We have decided amongst ourselves on a low key tribute to Mark involving the kids followed by a snack at my house. We also decided that an online tribute to mark would be good and would be something that others could post on and would be there for his children in the years to come. That is still a work in progress but will be released or unveiled or something like that, on the anniversary of Mark's death. He didn't have an online presence, despite spending as much time as life allowed playing video games esp champ manager. He detested Facebook or shitebook as he called it but I felt somewhere that others can contribute to would be nice as it would also show a different side to him.
Apart from that we are all muddling through, sometimes it is so painful that it overrides everything else, other times it doesn't feel real at all and there are times when he isn't at the forefront of my mind, but that isn't too often. Mark was a flawed person with a lot of significant mental health issues but he was also the sweetest, kindest and most helpful person there was and he was my son.
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