All change, but not just yet . . .

I am in a funny sort of limbo at the moment.  I finally had to stop work and stay home as the pain became so severe it was unbearable.  Apparently I have fybromyalgia as well as my lymphoedema, ain't life grand!

I find that my days sort of pass by and I don't always notice.  Apart from taking regular pain relief my days don't really have a structure to them just now but I need to change that and become more focused.  My employer's occupational health service have informed me that there is a chance I won't actually be able to return to work and, if I am totally honest, I sort of knew that but hearing it said out loud by someone else is very different.  I kind of feel that my job is such a big part of who I am and I have put so much of myself into my job that I feel sort adrift just now.

Whatever is decided about my job, I certainly won't be going back in a hurry.  At the moment I cam make myself a cup of tea if the kettle isn't too full, I can cook a meal but not dish it up, I can go shopping but after 30/40 minutes I am too sore and need to come home and I can't carry what I have bought.  It's just crap!  I can barely walk 2 steps without the pain in my feet becoming unbearable regardless of what I wear on my feet.  These things I cannot change but adapting to the everyday reality of what I am unable to do is hard.

I need to just suck it up though because it could be far worse.  I am still able to function, albeit in a limited way, so I am much luckier than many others.  I need to give myself a very gentle shake and begin to develop a structure and purpose to my days, without trying to do too much at a time.  Going at things with my former gusto leaves in agony and barely able to function for the next 2 days so I need to learn to pace myself at a gentler rhythm.  I know this will take time but that I have plenty of.

Hopefully I will be back soon with a plan or even a timetable :-)  Wish me luck!

Pain, Pain go away!

I am falling to pieces.  Words of a song, I know, but also how I am feeling just now.  We had a lovely week in Scarborough and since we arrived home I have been in constant pain.  It is hard work, at times, to not be grumpy and miserable, and I haven't always succeeded with this, but I am trying.  At the moment I am in no man's land re a diagnosis.  I am awaiting blood test results but at this point in time there is no definitive reason for why my body seems to be attacking itself.  My lymphoedema is bad because putting my stockings on causes so much pain in my hands that I am in tears, so it is a case of 'do I need to use my legs or my hands today?' as I seldom have good use of both.

I sound like a right miserable moaner, so I will change the subject.  I have been able to knit some things, mostly baby clothes and dolls clothes.  I like small projects as they are quick and stop me getting bored.  I am also working on a crochet blanket for my daughter, who constantly complains about not having been given one yet :-)  I also have a jumper to knot for my youngest son and I am yearning to start on a beaded shawl for myself.  If only my wonky body and the need to work to pay for it all didn't get in the way, things would be fine, lol.

I promise to come back with photos and a happier outlook at some point soon.

Success, at last!

OMG! As my youngest granddaughter would say.  When I started tidying, decluttering and sorting I had no idea it would take so long or that I would find so much 'stuff'!  These are some of the photos that prompted the clear out -

From these you can clearly see the enormity of the problem.  Thankfully after many trips to the local tip, several wheelie bins full and much recycling of unwanted goodies my home now looks like this -

Hopefully I will now be able to keep it tidier and more organised than previously.  I have revamped several things that just weren't working, including my photo storage, which took 2 full days!  I have started listing my yarn on ravelry and will add my needles and patterns over time, which will also help.  Tomorrow I am off to Scarborough for a week with some of my children and grandchildren which should be fun.  When I come back I hope to tackle the few places I haven't had time to get to and to do some scrapbooking in between school work.  I am feeling more creative and optimistic so fingers crossed.

Operation 'Sort This Shit!' Day 2

The time has finally come - I either need to reorganise and declutter ALL my possessions or I need to move to a bigger house.  Given that I have neither the money nor the inclination to move house declutter it will have to be.

The house isn't tiny, it has 3 bedrooms (one normal and 2 fairly small, a lounge, kitchen, bathroom, walk in attic space and a few cupboards.  I moved in gradually and have continued to move in a bag or 2 at a time ever since.  We are now at bursting point!  My combined hobbies of baking, cooking, knitting, crochet, photography, cross stitch, sewing, genealogy, scrapbooking and reading have taken over the house.  Added to all of this is the stuff I collect as a teacher, often just in case, the how to books I have accumulated and all the things I bring home to work on over the holidays and the picture becomes clearer.

We are currently full up, there is not only no room at the Inn but there is not room anywhere else either!  My OH is an ever patient man but he is currently trying to improve his fitness and lose weight.  To this end he bought a stationary bike.  However assembling it proved difficult due to an extreme lack of space, anywhere!  It is now assembled but it takes several minutes to clear a space round it to use it, by which time the notion has, on occasion, worn off.  The thought of putting everything back where it was once he has finished is even more off putting.  I now have a deadline.  I have to sort it or he will bin it.  I now know how my children felt when I descended on their bedrooms carrying a black bag.  The fear is upon me!

Yesterday saw 4 boxes moved and emptied but this hardly made even a little dent in the stuff. I feel a reality TV show coming on about people who hoard things till they can't move.  The worst bit it, I can't cope with mess, I find it terribly stressful and it hampers my creativity.

One of my worst habits is overorganising things and ending up with the same kind of things in 3 different places.  The last time I reorganised it was my wool and knitting/crochet patterns.  They have all been beautifully sorted and rehomed in neat order BUT nothing is labelled so I have NO IDEA where anything actually is!  It is madness and is almost making me ill so I am away to slay a few demons and move some stuff so I can actually see what I have, what I am keeping and what will be going in the bin.  Wish me luck!

One step forward . . .

That's how I feel life has been recently, one step forward and then one, or sometimes two, steps back.  I am currently on holiday and feel I have wasted my time off moping about and feeling miserable, and worse, feeling guilty for feeling miserable!  It certainly hasn't been a terribly productive time.  I have had chronic sinusitis which I am now getting under control, but it is likely to be a long haul, I have a very painful shoulder, which is limiting what I can do and to keep the pain at a tolerable level I am doped up on strong painkillers and to top it all I have depression.

Given all that has happened over the past year, it is small wonder I haven't cracked up completely so I should be grateful.  I do have an appointment later today with the doctor and am going with a list so I don't miss anything out.

On a happier note I did manage to get some pages made last week.  I went back to an old BPC class called Finding Your Way that was taught by the very talented Karen Grunberg.  As a result I had a little reorganisation of my stash and sorted through my punches and stamps collecting a 'go to' section of each based on what I use the most for each page.  These pages came together pretty quickly and I am hoping to have another page making day before the end of the holidays.  Part of the reason these came together so quickly was I stuck to my 'go to' supplies and used paper collections for the first 2 pages that I knew Angela would be taking to the Sincerely Yours show later this month.

For this page I used Studio Calico Snippets papers, a Stash Panache flair button and some Artemio stamps.

Next up was a Crate Paper Collection pack which I fell in love with as soon as I saw it, even though it is not my usual style of papers.

Finally this page used a range of different things including Studio Calico and Basic Grey papers and some of my favourite Elle's Studio stamps.

Hopefully I will be feeling a lot less miserable and more upbeat by the next post.  Take care x x x

A little bit lost

That's how I feel at the moment.  I seem to have lost my way a little with my scrapbooking and it is so frustrating!  I have ideas brewing in my head with things I want to try but I need some serious time at my craft desk to see what happens in reality.

Last weekend I was away on a crafty weekend with a group of 20+ fellow crafters.  Some were close friends, others people I had met at crops, some i hadn't met before at all.  It was a lovely, laid back weekend  and I am happy with the pages I made, which I haven't had time to photograph yet, but it was a bit of a struggle and often needed a sketch or a page to spark idea with.  This wasn't helped by the fact I was totally disorganised and had packed in about an hour the night before I was to leave!

This is the start of the Easter holidays and although I do have to spend a few days working and will be spending some time with my family, I am also hoping for at least 3-4 days of craftiness to try and work out some things.  I have never felt I has a particular style of my own, though there are a few things that almost always appear on my layouts including a title, some journalling and some patterned paper and things tend to be in straight lines and have a balance to them, there is not what I would call a definitive style though.  This is what I am aiming for - to find my style and my own 'go to' essentials so that packing for crops is easier and I can get on with the serious business of making pages and recording the stories behind them.

Later in the week I should get time to take photos of some of my recent creations for sharing.  Until  then, take care x

Highs and lows

I can hardly believe that this is only my second post this year!  I know it is only mid March but what a rocky year it has been so far.

January saw a quick trip to London with Gordon and his daughter, Samantha.  It was her first ever visit and we managed to pack a lot in in only a few days.  My legs were really causing me problems at the time as well, so that didn't help.  Then it was back to work with a vengeance and I was madly trying to catch up after being off ill for so long.  I was also trying to find footwear that fitted as the under floor heating made my lymphoedema worse.

February went by in a flash.  It saw the sad death of my godmother who was my mother's older sister, a few visits to my good friend Heather and even some scrapbooking as I had agreed to set one of the weekly challenges over on UKS.  Apart from that it was work, more work and time with my family.

March started with my daughter's 30th birthday party followed 2 days later by her actual birthday.  The next day my challenge went live and my wonderful friend Heather lost her hard fought battle with cancer.  She was the most wonderfully kind hearted lady whose personality shone bright and bold and there is a big hole in my life now she is no longer with us.  Heather planned her own funeral which was attended by many people from vastly different parts of the UK.

This weekend at her local crop we let off balloons in her memory.  Sandra organised it all and read a beautiful poem and the minister of the Church whose hall we crop in said a few heartfelt words.  As we stood in the snow clutching our balloons and thinking of Heather her presence was felt very strongly.

Next weekend sees my annual treat of a whole weekend scrapbooking peacefully with friends and I can't wait!

Here's to 2013!

I remember the year that the Queen called her annus horribilis and thought her daft but having finally reached the end of 2012 I totally understand what she meant.  For me 2012 was my annus horribilis and I am really pleased to see it finished and over with.  2013 will hopefully be a better year.

I am not really one for resolutions but I there are a few things that I want to aim for this year :-

1 - to go back to all the online classes that I have signed up for and never finished, download all the lessons and do something with them.

2 - Complete my Project Life album for last year and never be daft enough to commit to something like it again.  A reduced version maybe, such a monthly highlight page, but not weekly as I got bogged down and resentful that I wasn't making the pages I wanted to make when I had the time.

3 - Make some cards.  I have been scrapbooking for years but I seldom make cards as they just don't come naturally to me.  The odd time I have tried I have liked maybe 1 out of 5 so then it was months before I tried again.  This year I made Christmas cards for all my work colleagues an they were very well received so I am aiming to get over my dread of cards and have some fun.

4 - Find my scrapbooking style.  I have seen the pages I have made this year change and I think that the things I like to use are changing so I would like to make the time to find my style and 'go to' products as this will help me be more creative in the limited time I have to craft.

I think 4 targets is more than enough as I would like to look back on this at the end of 2013 and see how I did.  I want to be more pro active this year and less reactive as I am sure that that will help me in every area of my life.  Last year saw too many family issues, too many health issues and too much procrastination.  I know that there isn't a great deal I can do about the first two but I can make the effort with the last one so here goes, wish me luck!

Happy New Year to you all x x x x